In the small town of Devil’s Kettle, Jennifer [Megan Fox] has been possessed by a demon and must feed on human flesh.

The question I have to ask myself is what did I really expect when I decided to go and see this movie?  If I was being completely honest with myself, I was expecting a bad movie.  I had read a few reviews and none of them were positive and based on the trailer I could tell that something was going to go wrong here.  The next question I have to ask is why am I about to complain that I got exactly what I expected?  I guess the answer to that one is as stupid as because I can.  I allowed myself to get some form of high hopes thinking that I would at least be mildly entertained by some out there horror shots and some witty lines by Diablo Cody but I found myself only annoyed by them.  I think in the first ten minutes of the movie, prior to the main plot of the film beginning, I was treated to at least 20 new hipster phrases that I’m sure that Ms. Cody wishes would catch on in real life.  I feel almost that she might have seen films like The Breakfast Club – which is an awesome movie – and become too enamoured with characters like Bender who had his own vocabulary and decided that every character in her movies must speak like that.

STOP!!! I feel hypocritical right now.  Was I just bashing Cody’s hipster dialogue that I still enjoy in her first movie, Juno?  I guess I was.  The truth is that I feel it works better in comedy than this horror film and Jennifer’s Body is a lame comedy and a worse horror movie.  What makes a good horror movie?  Is it gore? This movie had none of that.  Is it sex?  Once again absent.  Is it being scary?  I wasn’t, but I guess that isn’t an excuse since few horror movies scare me ever since I grew up and became older than four years old.  The truth of the matter is I think that if Diablo Cody was to have made this same scenario (two close girlfriends in high school) without the horror and more of a play on the cutesy comedy, maybe even make it the lesbian romcom she probably wants to make and, I would probably have liked it.  However, I don’t live in the world of should’ve but rather in the world of did and this movie did suck.

I guess the last question to ask, since you can tell that I hate this movie, is if this movie is worse than Transformers 2?  Let’s see, both movies have the lack of sense to star one of the best examples with what is wrong with movies – i.e. Megan Fox.  Films have always been about visuals and therefore it’s always been better to be good looking than a great actress and even though I don’t agree with the popular view that Megan Fox is attractive – I have no real idea why, she just strikes me as someone who I would not want to associate with socially – but at the same time I can understand them.  I think everyone can agree to what an unbelievably poor actress she is.  The plot in Transformers 2 was completely illogical and I doubt anyone was able to follow it at all, while on the other hand Jennifer’s Body’s plot wasn’t as much of a mess as it would seem even though there were a few specific moments which made almost no sense.  Instead of being lulled to sleep with a score in TF2 that made me think that robot vs. robot fights could be so soothing to the soul was definitely a step down from me being able to close my eyes and forget I was watching a crap film about essentially a vampire and hear some decent indie tunes in the Jen’s Body soundtrack.  TF2, no matter how poor the action and film was, had some great effects while Jen’s Body had some of the worst effects (practical as well as computer generated) that makes me worry what the director was thinking.  I guess in the end Transformers 2 will definitely barely nudge out this movie for worst of the year, but not by much I promise.

In the end I can’t really say anymore than this movie sucks and never ever watch it.  No matter how sexy you think Megan Fox is she cannot make up for how poorly played out this movie is.  Before you ask; none of the actresses get naked in the movie, so you won’t have any breasts to stare at to distract you from the bad acting you will witness while watching this travesty of a movie.

IMDB says 5.7/10

Rotten Tomatoes says 42%

I say 1.5/10