One of the things that people love in films, especially action movies, is ridiculousness. One of the most ridiculous things that’s made its way into our action films of today is every once in a while when we get a character, usually the leading man, who just never seems to miss the target. Here’s my top ten list dedicated to those characters:
10. Arthur Bishop – The Mechanic (1972) (dir. Michael Winner)
It definitely isn’t my favourite Charles Bronson film, but who can dispute it’s qualifications for the list. Here Arthur is a cold hard and calculated assassin that never seems to get his kills wrong. He may make it over elaborate but when it comes down to it he’s a professional that you don’t want to be on the wrong side of the contract with.
9. Bullseye – Daredevil (2003) (dir. Mark Steven Johnson)
Say what you will about this movie, I actually liked Colin Farrell as Bullseye. In a world where going blind gives you super powers why can’t we believe in a character that just never misses his target. No matter what he throws; be it knife, dart or the occasional baton it’s going to hit it’s target.
8. Robin Hood – Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993) (dir. Mel Brooks)
So now we’re talking about a character that pulled out a Patriot Arrow which changed direction about a half dozen times just so that it could nail the bullseye. Cary Elwes nails the role of Robin Hood in one of my favourite Mel Brooks comedies of all time. How can you hate him, he even has a real British accent, ‘unlike those other Robin Hoods’.
7. Fox – Wanted (2008) (dir. Timur Bekmambetov)
In a world where all the heroes have been killed off all we have are a bunch of bullet curving assassins to take care of the really bad guys. It seems almost impossible for Fox to have a weapon in hand and not hit the target, even when there’s only one bullet and a circular room filled with targets on the edge.
6. Pvt. Daniel Jackson – Saving Private Ryan (1998) (dir. Steven Spielberg)
When you’re a sniper in WWII it’s kind of a given that you can’t miss. If you miss you die. He spends mission after mission planting himself in the vantage point and taking out the opposition so to make sure that his team can continue to move forward to their objective.
5. Melvin Smiley – The Big Hit (1998) (dir. Kirk Wong)
In, what some consider, Mark Wahlberg‘s best performance of his career he gives us the emotional range of a tree bark. However, with that said he plays a hitman who is actually good at his job, except for the thinking part. He takes on entire rival gangs and security teams and wipes them out in a matter of minutes. He’s a one man army you don’t want to mess with.
4. Sundance Kid – Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) (dir. George Roy Hill)
He probably doesn’t deserve to be on this list, because you actually see him miss in the film. However, he’s a lot better when he moves. So like the referee from Celebrity Death Match ‘I’ll allow it!’. One of the most lovable outlaws in the west that you’ll ever meet Robert Redford plays friend to bank robber extraordinaire, Butch Cassidy (Paul Newman). We follow them across the great states and even to someplace like Bolivia. He’s more than a crack-shot, but he’s a great character.
3. Hit Girl – Kick-Ass (2010) (dir. Matthew Vaughn)
When an eight-year-old girl can take down a room full of drug dealers without breaking a sweat that’s when you know that you have a girl not to be fucked with. She slices, she dices and she can come up with really foul mouthed quips that will put you in stitches.
2. Smith – Shoot ‘Em Up (2007) (dir. Michael Davis)
If a guy kills his enemies with a carrot then you may not want to get on his bad side. After seeing some random pregnant lady getting chased down by a nefarious type individual he decides to step in. For the next few days he’s on a murdering rampage killing everyone in his way in order to figure out the truth about why the guy was harassing this nice lady and trying to save her baby. There’s actually a scene where Smith is having sex with Monica Belluci and kills off a SWAT team attack while never actually pulling out. ‘Nuff said.
1. El Wray – Planet Terror (2007) (dir. Robert Rodriguez)
It’s probably useful during the zombie-apocalypse to have a crack-shot like El Wray on your survival team. He actually never misses. If you watch the movie and pay attention to all of El Wray’s action scenes he literally hits every target that he aims at; and I can’t stop laughing at his last moment where he holds Cherry’s stomach and says “I never miss” only to find out two seconds later that he impregnated her when they had sex earlier that night. It’s so over the top that I can’t forget it.